


Human Behavior

by orphan_account



Category: Penn & Teller RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:37:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21663910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Relationships: Penn Jillette/Teller (Magician)
Kudos: 6





	Human Behavior

Penn Jillette was a big, dumb, horny puppy.

Teller didn't usually liken human beings to animals, but in this case, he could find no better way to describe the younger man.

And he could find no explanation within him for why he was attracted to said younger man.

Okay, maybe that was a bit of a lie.

Teller admired Penn's half-naked body from his distance across the cavernous room that they were using to rehearse their act with Weir. Weir also watched Penn but with much less interest than Teller. Penn was juggling his clubs. Teller couldn't care less about the clubs.

Penn wore only a pair of tight white bellbottom pants and a wide black belt. Sweat shone on his tan skin, his leanly muscled arms and chest. On his face was an expression of intense focus, his clear gray eyes bright as steel, his full lips pursed together.

He was a big, dumb, horny and very attractive puppy.

Teller looked away determinedly, crossing his legs. He brought up his deck of cards again and tried to interest himself in shuffling them.

"Hey, come here," said Penn's voice across the room, to which Teller paid no mind.

"Man, drop the stupid fucking cards and get your ass over here!" Teller looked up this time.

"What do you want?"

Penn smiled. "I got an idea for the act." With that he reached into his bag and pulled out an apple, tossing it into the air and catching it behind his back easily.

Teller's eyebrows came down in a frown. He put down his cards and walked over to Penn, who was rummaging through his bag for something else now.

Penn pulled out two humongous knives, clanging them together and grinning at Teller. "We're gonna juggle."

"No, we're not," said Teller with a laugh. "I can't juggle."

"When I say _we're_ gonna juggle, what I mean is _I'm_ going to juggle with your assistance."

"I'm not your assistant. Nor am I going anywhere near those fucking things," replied Teller as he warily looked over the knives.

Penn sighed. "Alright, whatever." He put the knives back and this time pulled out two onions. "Do these make you feel more comfortable?"

Teller raised an eyebrow. "It depends on what you want me to do with them."

"I want you to stand in front of me." Penn grinned again. "And I'm going to juggle around you."

Teller frowned once more, and then reluctantly stepped forward so that he was directly in front of Penn. He pulled his eyes up from Penn's glittering whale tail necklace and looked into Penn's grinning face.

"Gonna need you to turn around, baby," murmured Penn, mischief in his eyes. Ignoring the sudden rapid beating of his heart, Teller rolled his eyes and turned to face away from Penn.

Then he felt Penn's hands on his hips and Penn pulled him backwards so his back was pressed to Penn's front. Teller's eyes flew wide open, his heart beating frantically now. He could feel Penn's cock, semi-erect and very big, pressed against his ass. He looked over at Weir, who looked back at him with extreme discomfort.

Teller tore away from Penn, glaring at him. "What the fuck are you doing?" A question that didn't need to be asked but it was all Teller could manage to say.

Penn smiled wickedly. "I _was_ going to practice a juggling bit, but _somebody_ was staring at me and making it difficult to concentrate."

Teller blushed a deep red, eyes falling away from Penn's.

"Don't be embarr-"

Teller stormed from the room before Penn could say anything more.

He'd left his cards and all his props behind but he couldn't go back into that room. He figured Weir would collect his things and give them back to Teller later... or at least he hoped so. Or not. Fuck it. And fuck Weir for bringing Penn into their show.

Fucking high school dropout who'd hump anything that moved.

Teller tried to ignore the raging hard-on in his pants.

It was no use. He threw himself into the nearest bathroom and once safely in the privacy of a bathroom stall, he frantically opened his pants and started stroking his aching cock. He brought his other arm up and bit it, trying as hard as he could to be silent and pretty sure he was failing.

Penn's sweaty musky scent still lingered in Teller's nostrils. His eyes closed and he felt Penn's cock still nudging at his backside. He knew what Penn's cock looked like. He was sure there were few people who had encountered Penn who did not know what Penn's cock looked like; Penn was as far from shy as you could get. He'd never seen it hard though so he had to use his imagination there... it had only been somewhat hard pressing against him but still had felt so fucking incredible... Teller imagined what it would feel like, fully hard and sliding inside of him, Penn's strong hands gripping his hips.

He didn't need much more than that. He came hard, biting his forearm furiously and whimpering into it.

He leaned back against the wall and sighed. This effect that Penn was having on him...

Nothing could come of it. He knew that. This was as far as it could ever go. Penn was wrong for him in every way, but most importantly of all, Penn was his creative partner. He didn't want to be Penn's friend, let alone his lover; love and sex could not sustain creativity.

He resolved to go back to rehearsal and act like nothing had happened. He was not going to let Penn push him out of the group. He would be cool, calm, professional.

And he would try his hardest to not think about Penn's cock. Especially in conjunction with the word "hard."

~

They eventually perfected the fruit juggling act with Teller standing in front of Penn and eating the apple as Penn juggled it along with the onions. Penn dubbed the act "Ungodly Fruit," which amused Teller quite a bit more than it did Weir, their resident Christian.

Surprisingly, Penn had backed off after that day that Teller had run out on them. He'd even seemed almost apologetic, although there had been no actual apology.

He was sweet and respectful after that day.

And it infuriated Teller even more than him being a disrespectful asshole.

He was trying so hard to _not_ like Penn, but Penn seemed determined to thwart this attempt. Teller couldn't be cold to someone who was being kind to him.

Teller collapsed onto his xylophone with a frustrated cry.

Weir's voice sounded from above, full of concern. "What's wrong?"

"My life," replied Teller, voice muffled by the xylophone in front of his face. "My life is what's wrong."

Weir sighed. "You're so melodramatic. Just tell me what's going on."

"Nothing's going on."

"Ah," said Weir, and he paused for a moment. "But you'd _like_ something to be going on that isn't, huh?"

Teller's face screwed up in confusion and he lifted his face from the xylophone to look up at Weir. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You and Penn," answered Weir. He looked Teller over with a knowing smile. "I mean that sexual tension between the two of you could seriously be cut with a knife."

Teller looked up at Weir in horror for a moment, and then his face dropped back down onto the xylophone and made it produce a discordant groan. "Just fucking kill me. I can't take it anymore."

"Why don't you just do it?"

Teller stood up again, looking into Weir's eyes with uncertainty. "Are you... telling me to kill myself?"

"_No_, no, goodness, no," said Weir quickly. "I meant... why don't you just... you and Penn..."

"_Don't_ finish that fucking sentence," Teller cut in. "Please. Nothing is going to happen between us. He's a teenager. He's our performing partner. He's revolting. That's three good reasons right there."

Weir smirked. "He's almost twenty. And... not quite buying you saying he's revolting, we've all seen the way you look at him." Teller's face flushed with shame. "So that leaves you with one reason, and I can't say it's a very good one, especially not when your feelings for him are affecting your performance in the show."

Teller raised his eyes to the ceiling and sighed heavily. Weir was right. Ignoring these feelings for Penn wasn't going to work, no matter how much Teller wanted it to.

Then Teller lowered his eyes back to Weir's and grinned. "You do see the tremendous irony of a Christian telling a guy to go have sex with another guy."

Weir laughed. "Being a Christian is not synonymous with being an idiot. If you two don't get this out of your system soon, we're all going to suffer for it."

~

Teller knew what he had to do. Now it was just a matter of... doing it.

He kept giving Penn lingering glances, but Penn was now ignoring them. When they would do their juggling act together, Teller would push back against Penn's front, with no response from Penn. And when they were done with the show Penn would take off without so much as a glance at Teller.

Teller was pretty sure at this point that Penn had been put on this earth to drive him insane.

After a particularly bad show, Teller found himself dangerously close to the edge of his sanity, and without looking at either Penn or Weir, he ran from the room and once he'd made it outside, he collapsed against the side of the building in tears.

It took him a moment or two to hear the voice coming from behind him.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

Teller turned to see Penn standing above him. He glared up at him. "Like you give a shit," Teller muttered, turning away again.

"As a matter of fact, I do," said Penn indignantly. He sat down beside where Teller was slumped on the ground and Teller turned to see Penn looking at him worriedly.

"Penn... I'm done with you," said Teller hollowly. "We work together. That's all. We are not friends, we never will be, so leave me the fuck alone because this does not concern you."

Penn narrowed his eyes. "I think it does." He lifted one hand to Teller's face, brushing a tear from his cheek. His eyes flickered over Teller's face.

Teller felt his heart beat rapidly once more. He looked lustily into Penn's eyes. "What are you doing, Penn?" The lust had found its way into his voice as well.

Penn smirked. "What do you _think_ I'm doing, Ray?"

And as quick as the feeling had come, it had gone. Teller glared at Penn again. Penn knew that Teller hated being called that. "Go fuck yourself, _Jillette_."

"Wouldn't you rather I fuck you?" murmured Penn, moving closer to Teller. Teller's heartbeat quickened again.

He stared at Penn's mouth hungrily. "I fucking hate you," he whispered hotly.

Penn's nose brushed against his. "I hate you too, you piece of shit," he said huskily against Teller's mouth before claiming it in a passionate kiss.

Teller's hand slowly rose up to snake its fingers into Penn's thick dark hair, and he released a moan of pure hunger into the deliciousness of Penn's mouth as they kissed. He sucked at Penn's lips, bit at them. Penn's tongue fucked his mouth slowly, making both of them groan.

They broke apart for air and Teller whined with frustration. "What's wrong, baby," said Penn, his voice a low sexy hum. Teller reunited their lips.

"I need you inside me," he growled into Penn's mouth. Penn growled back at him, kissing him deeply. "But... I don't know... where we can go..."

"Where's your car?"

Teller grinned. He took Penn's hand, stood and pulled Penn to his feet as well, and started off towards his car.

When they reached the car Penn pressed Teller up against it, his front to Teller's back, kissing Teller's neck, and Teller could feel Penn fully erect against his ass. He moaned quietly, arching back against Penn's aching hardness. Penn reached around to stroke Teller's hard cock through the thin, stretched fabric of Teller's black tights, and Teller's head fell back against Penn's chest as he cursed loudly.

"Open the door or I'm fucking you in the parking lot," Penn breathed into his ear, and Teller fumbled with the car door for a second before wrenching it open and pulling Penn into the backseat after him.

Penn knelt between Teller's legs and Teller slid one hand up under Penn's shirt, delighting in the feel of Penn's muscles beneath his fingers. Penn ripped the shirt off and snapped Teller's suspenders off, then hurriedly began to work off Teller's boots and tights.

Teller pulled his own shirt off and smiled, lifting his hips so that Penn could pull his tights down. "I've never done this," he said, and Penn frowned down at him.

"You've never been with a guy?" asked Penn.

"Oh no no no, I _have_ been with a guy... but not in a car," he answered with a grin.

Penn looked down at him, eyes falling from Teller's face down over his body. His hand slid up Teller's torso, following the trail of hair from Teller's stomach to his chest. Teller could see the apprehension in him and knew that being with a guy was something entirely new to Penn.

He took Penn's hand and put it on his erection, arching up into Penn's hand and sighing. "Just listen to your instincts," he sighed, squeezing Penn's hand gently. "Do what your body tells you to."

A slow smile spread over Penn's face. He squeezed his hand around Teller's cock, drawing a low moan from the older man. He leaned down and kissed Teller, a soft and sensual kiss, and his hand began to move up and down over Teller's length with slow, powerful strokes. Teller groaned into his mouth, thrusting up into Penn's hand.

Penn's lips broke away from his. "I need to fuck you," he growled, voice raw with hunger.

Teller lifted his legs onto Penn's shoulders and pulled Penn's hand up to his mouth. "I don't have lube so you'll have to use spit." He took two of Penn's fingers into his mouth, dancing his tongue around them and coating them with saliva, smiling up at Penn when he felt Penn's cock throb against his thigh. He pulled Penn's fingers back out of his mouth. "Put these inside me first."

Penn eagerly thrust both fingers into Teller, making Teller grimace slightly... he'd forgotten that Penn's fingers were bigger than his own. He curled his fingers around the back of Penn's neck, sinking his fingernails into the skin there, grinning when he heard Penn hiss with pain. Penn pushed his fingers in and out of Teller a couple times before pulling them out and spitting into his hand, which he then used to lubricate himself.

Teller's heart raced and both he and Penn panted slightly as Penn lined himself up at Teller's entrance. Teller pulled Penn down into another passionate kiss, and both men moaned into each other's mouths as Penn slowly entered Teller.

Teller gripped the car seat with both hands as Penn slid deep inside of him. It felt even better than he'd imagined it would. He moaned Penn's name as Penn began to move in and out and he felt Penn grinning against his neck before sinking his teeth into it.

Penn's thrusts were deep and hard. Teller's moans grew increasingly animal. Penn grunted and gasped against Teller's neck with each thrust. Teller's fingernails bit into the car seat as Penn's cock pressed rhythmically into his prostate. One hand slid into Penn's hair and gripped it tightly and Teller gasped and whimpered into Penn's ear as Penn's thrusts sped.

The car shook and groaned around them, the windows opaque with the heat coming off the two men. The car began to shake even harder as Penn pistoned in and out of Teller at a frantic pace, sweat dripping from his body...

He let out a strangled groan, thrust deep inside of Teller, and Teller felt the warmth of Penn's release inside him. He held Penn's body against his as he felt his own release come over and out of him, crying out his pleasure.

Penn collapsed on top of him, panting hard, and Teller slid his arms around Penn. His fingers drifted softly and slowly up and down Penn's back and Penn sighed happily.

"So why don't you want me to call you by your first name?" Penn asked after a minute or two of catching his breath, his voice soft against the skin of Teller's neck.

Teller sighed, but not with happiness. "I just... don't. I don't need to provide you with a reason."

"Well, we just had sex and I feel weird calling you by your last name."

"That's right," replied Teller. "We _just_ had sex. That's all it was. Sex. We're not _friends_ now. So let's not pretend like we are."

Penn sat up, glowering. "_God_ you're a pretentious twat," he spat at Teller. "Too good for your own fucking feelings. Whatever, I'm leaving, I'm sick of your shit."

He grabbed his shirt and zipped his pants back up and reached for the car door. Teller closed his eyes.

"Penn, wait."

Teller opened his eyes again to see Penn looking at him with a mixture of frustration and curiosity. He sighed again.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, looking down. "You're right... I am a pretentious twat... and I'm sorry about that."

Penn slid closer to him again and Teller looked up into his eyes, saw the warmth and compassion in them. He lifted his hand to brush against the side of Penn's face and Penn gave him a smile.

"I'll call you Teller if it makes you happy," Penn murmured.

Teller smiled back even wider. He leaned up to capture Penn's lips in another soft kiss and he felt the imaginary barriers come crashing down between them, their souls bared to one another... so loving, so wanting to be loved... so human.

~  
A/N: I gave Penn and Teller's fruit juggling/eating act a name in this and I don't think it actually has a name, again it's just me fucking around. I think they'd appreciate the name though. :)


End file.
